Exercises:
Replacement
to
replace a middle verse
2010 revision
Replacement is an exercise devised by the present author. It emphasises the bivalent nature of a renku verse, which must both flow from the proceeding verse and give rise to the following verse. It also favours an understanding that the effects of shift, and hence of uchikoshi no kirai (reversion) or kannonbiraki (double doors), extend forwards as well as backwards.
A five verse segment is taken from a renku sequence. The middle verse is removed. The poet seeks to add a replacement. All aspects of the core requirements of link and shift must be met.
Below are some five verse segments from a variety of sources. Poets are invited to use these for the exercise or to select similar segments from any group of poets of acknowledged merit. Please refer to the cautionary notes on copyright at foot.
| for
supper kamasugo fry, a fragrant breeze gets up |
Boncho |
| that
leech-sucked spot scratched just as you please |
Basho |
| all
weighty thoughts are set aside for now the day of rest |
Yasui omit |
| a
summons from the lord bidding us make haste |
Kyorai |
| Sir
Golden Guard of popular repute, how well to do! |
Basho all verses from The Lye Tub trans: Yachimoto & Carley |
| Confucius
he say haiku maeku shmyku |
|
| the
conversation drifts again from Kant to Camembert |
|
| a
quantum state defining both the |
omit |
| avalanche!
a particle of snow becomes a wave |
|
| the
slopes of Gstaad beneath the cosmic nose |
all verses Carley from the solo sequence The April Night |
| predicting
snow a used car salesman's great white smile |
Lorin |
| hurrying
homeward chimneys crowd the sky |
Ashley |
| things
get warm then warmer still under the kotatsu |
John omit (kotatsu: a heated throw or quilt) |
| the
needle skips again, our last hiccup |
Ashley |
|
..........predawn ...............wakens to the sound of OM |
Kala all verses from Shades of Autumn: Ford, Capes, Carley, Capes, Ramesh |
| so
wonderful… the feel of knitted footwear |
Boncho |
| peace
presides in everything while not a word is uttered |
Kyorai |
| sighting
a village the noontide conch is blown |
Basho omit |
| the
plaited grass of last year's sleep mat fraying at the edges |
Boncho |
| one
petal falls then another: a lotus |
Fumikuni all verses from The Sea Hawk's Feathers trans: Yachimoto & Carley |
Comments
The exercise embraces an arc of five verses. Clearly our replacement verse
(#3) must flow naturally from that immediately preceding (#2). It must
also naturally give rise to the following verse (#4). Further, the requirements
of shift mean that it must be comprehensively different from
the last-but-one (#1) whilst not fouling the final verse (#5) by preempting
some aspect of its content or phrasing.
As important are its more general qualities as a verse in series. Some
of these considerations are relatively apparent. What style of prosody
do the other verses adopt? Are they contracted or relatively extended?
Are they fixed-form, more generally proportional, or is it anything goes?
Do they use lots of end stops and direct internal juxtaposition, or do
they tend to smoother combinations and the single image?
Is there any evidence of formal seasonal relationships in the passage,
or perhaps of the contemporary idea of mukigo? Are there any love verses,
or other fixed topic positions such as moon or blossom? How much are the
verses coloured by the particular linguistic, cultural and temporal setting
in which they were written?
Less
tangible qualities are equally important. What is the general tenor of
the passage under consideration? Is it light or more reflective? Is it
witty, or simply sarcastic? Does it move rapidly, or require more deliberation
over each verse? And whatever the context, is #3 particularly notable:
is it strong and contrasting, or deliberately downbeat? What is the general
register? Is it high flown, or more down to earth? And perhaps most difficult
of all: what style(s) of linkage do the participants adopt?
Having established on overview of these qualities the poet is encouraged
to resist the temptation to simply substitute the original verse with
its mirror image. The purpose of our analysis is to enable the new #3
to explore a different territory whilst still preserving the most natural
set of relationships with the surrounding verses.
This exercise is difficult.
Below is an instance of replacement. Please be aware that this example may be far from exemplary.
| so
wonderful… the feel of knitted footwear |
Boncho |
| peace
presides in everything while not a word is uttered |
Kyorai |
| a
broken gourd perhaps a shamisen |
Carley |
| the
plaited grass of last year's sleep mat fraying at the edges |
Boncho |
| one
petal falls then another: a lotus |
Fumikuni |
Caution
Please be aware of copyright issues in your particular jurisdiction when
using the work of others. Where an exercise is conducted in a private
space for purely personal reasons there is little possibility of conflict.
If the workspace is shared and/or remote (i.e. virtual) issues of public
access might need to be considered in order to avoid legalistic definitions
of 'publication'. Group exercises, particularly in structured contexts
which involve monetary gain, can be problematic. Whilst limited exceptions
apply in academic contexts, the rules is that the work of others should
not be offered for publication in any medium without the copyright holder's
express permission. Please be aware that, in the case of translations,
whilst the source text may be out of copyright, rights to the text of
any given translation remain with the individual translator. Rights to
the sample translations above are therefore held jointly by Yachimoto
& Carley. Ford, Capes and Ramesh offer a limited copyright waiver
for the purposes of this exercise only.
